The holiday season is here. There were Christmas trees in my local major department store before Halloween! I read an article this week that stated that it takes most of us 20 hours to prep for the holidays. That feels like a conservative estimate to me. The author of that article quipped that it’s about 18 hours too long!
Whether you love the season or hate it, it’s here and hard to ignore. My daughter lives in France. Of course, they don’t celebrate Thanksgiving. Sometimes I feel sad that she doesn’t have the pleasure of sitting around a table with close family and friends eating the traditional meal. When repeated year after year, our rituals trigger memories and nostalgia. I miss her at this event now that she’s not here.
For some people, these annual meals trigger only memories of family dysfunction—arguing, fighting, drunkenness, or disruptive behavior. Or perhaps, loneliness, as you find yourself home alone with a frozen dinner and a store-bought slice of pie. We barely get through Thanksgiving, when the “real” holiday season hits! Let’s say that you love December with all the hustle and bustle, festivities, obligations, and demands. That’s nice and thank goodness someone feels good about it.
Or, let’s say that you truly hate it, feeling dread and anxiety. For many, it’s a time of grieving the loss of those who are missing through death, divorce, or long distance. Or perhaps you like it, but still feel a lot of anxiety. This is normal. We all live busy lives, filled with work, relationships, family and friends, and more stuff to do than hours in the day. Adding the business of the holidays is likely to send us spinning.
What is the #1 issue, problem or concern that you have about the holidays? Perhaps you are feeling pressured to spend money, overeat or drink, be social, or full of joy? High expectations around this time of the year can lead to disappointment and even depression.
Plan ahead and plan now.
An important tip for managing is to plan ahead and to plan now. Get in control of the season, rather than having it control you. Decide what’s most important to you and let the rest of it go. If you enjoy written correspondence, then by all means, send out cards. If you love baking, then Google some recipes and start producing those cookies! Above all, do not let societal or family expectations pressure you into doing anything that drains you or creates resentment.
Set appropriate boundaries.
As long as you’re getting in control, remember to set appropriate boundaries with your families at this time of the year. Give yourself the freedom to make wise choices about where, when and how much time you want with them. If you travel to see parents, consider staying in a hotel and renting your own car. You don’t have to act 12 again or sleep in a twin bed in your childhood bedroom! If visiting the family is out of the question, give yourself the freedom to find the people you want to be with. Create a Family of Choice. Be good to yourself and create the joy you desire.
Or, if you truly need some downtime to just relax and be alone, that’s okay too. Get out into nature—take a hike, go for some walks, or look at the ocean. Read some books. Visit an animal shelter to pet some kitties. Take some relaxing baths. Donate your time at a charity organization. Work out. Feed the birds. Smell the roses! Make yourself the star of this story.
Identify holiday goals.
If you are in an intimate relationship, try to work together to identify your holiday goals. Structure your holiday time and plan activities together that nourish your connection. I suggest that the two of you sit down and discuss the meaning of this season for you. Which traditions feel important to keep and what new ones do you want to create?
The holidays are here. They’re not going away, despite my often-expressed wish that we could just have them once every two to three years. (I often say that about birthdays, too, now that I’m getting older).
Here are ten ideas to help you sail through the holidays:
- Take inventory of your holiday stress.
- Eliminate as much of what bothers you as possible.
- Structure your time.
- Plan activities that nourish.
- Give yourself the gift of self-exploration.
- Stay in the present.
- Remember to have gratitude for the good.
- Show compassion for others.
- Find meaning in the season.
- Give the gift of time, laughter, and patience to yourself, children, friends, and family.
Remember, if you are truly struggling and having a particularly difficult time during this holiday season, you might benefit from talking to a compassionate therapist. You can also call a Mental Health Hotline if your anxiety or depression feels severe. They will be happy to talk to you and get you the help you need.
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
Or, if texting is easier:
Crisis Text Line: Text “home” to 741741
Whatever you choose to do, or wherever you go, I am wishing you peace during this Holiday Season.
The preceding article was solely written by the author named above. Any views and opinions expressed are not necessarily shared by GoodTherapy.org. Questions or concerns about the preceding article can be directed to the author or posted as a comment below.