I’ve been trying to do a few things differently in 2025.
Specifically, moving towards moments or things that make me uncomfortable.
(I don’t mean “times when I am in physical danger,” of course.)
But rather, I’m going to run toward the things that my brain tells me, “This is uncomfortable, I don’t like this, avoid it at all costs.”
The email I’m afraid to open. The conversation I’m afraid to have. The question I’m afraid to ask. The ability to be alone with my thoughts (yikes).
When I reach for my phone or Netflix or Playstation controller to avoid being bored or uncomfortable or sad or guilty…
I’m trying to build some discipline to pause first.
To not avoid, distract, or entertain myself away from what’s really happening.
To not zone out or run away, Monty-Python style.
If I have the courage to sit there and really ask the question, “Why is this making me feel uncomfortable?” there’s valuable lessons to be learned.
Lean into The Discomfort
Author Pema Chodron lays out the following in her book When Things Fall Apart:
“We regard discomfort in any form as bad news.
…feelings like disappointment, embarrassment, irritation, resentment, anger, jealousy, and fear.
Instead of being bad news, these are actually very clear moments that teach us where it is that we’re holding back.”
These things can be incredible teachers if we give ourselves the space to learn.
But that’s quite the ask in 2025:
Thanks to the internet and our phones and same-day delivery, we can spend every minute of every day hiding from nearly every single uncomfortable feeling in our lives. We never have to be bored, we never have to feel “bad,” we never have to address the elephant in the room.
We can just swipe, click, tap, or disassociate to avoid any and all “bad” feelings.
We can hide from them with endless entertainment and comfort (even if it keeps us from getting what we really want).
Of course, those bad feelings don’t go away—they’re still there, and the things we’re avoiding will eventually need to be dealt with.
When I try to hide from discomfort, I know I’m not actually avoiding it. I’m not keeping it boxed up.
I’m trapped in Pandora’s Box with the monsters.
Blaise Pascal, a 17th-century philosopher, said it best:
“All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.”
These Feelings are Trying to Teach Us!
Many feelings of discomfort are screaming to teach us something if we can reframe how we feel about them.
As Chodron points out:
“They’re like messengers that show us, with terrifying clarity, exactly where we’re stuck.
This very moment is the perfect teacher, and, lucky for us, it’s with us wherever we are.”
Life has a way of making that quiet, uncomfortable feeling get louder and louder until we can’t help but address it…
But we can save ourselves quite a bit of time if we recognize the fear, lean in sooner, and recognize life is trying to teach us something.
That’s my challenge for you this week.
What if…
We asked, “Am I really hungry, or am I just soothing myself with food?”
We acknowledged we were scared or anxious or nervous and then asked (with compassionate curiosity) what was behind the feeling?
Life is trying to teach us lessons every day.
We just have to be courageous enough to be uncomfortable to see it.
-Steve